Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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