I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
