So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
