his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
