dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
