i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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