"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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