Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
