Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
