Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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