I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
accomplished twins. life is a go
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
