hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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