Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize