the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
