Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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