genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
