Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
