I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
