I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We need to get me chipped asap
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
