Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hippo gnu deer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
