Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
