I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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