I wanna passion pit in your ass
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
