2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize