If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
