I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
