you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
