Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
third nipple confirmed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize