I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
