We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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