Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize