just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
