I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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