i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, beer. Big fan.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
