I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
