sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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