The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize