sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
