dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
