I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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