He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
