you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
third nipple confirmed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
