would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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