saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
