I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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