So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
