So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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