I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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