Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
