Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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