Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
