having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
