she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its liver damage thursday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
