He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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