Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
