hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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