I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
