The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
