OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
