How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
