He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
