She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
