I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All I want is dick and wine.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
