stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
