i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
