dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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