I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
