More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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