omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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