Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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